Betting On Myself

image from openclipart.org by j4p4n

The Problem

Things are crazy in my professional life right now.  My “day job” is in shambles (from my perspective to them everything is the best it’s ever been or at least that’s the party line they are sticking too) and since that’s forty hours of my work week my emotional/mental life is shredded.  I feel like half a person, and that person is always on the attack, hunting for weaknesses in others to pounce on.  There’s no turning the snarky, angry, lashing aspect of myself off.  Something people don’t get: if you are a compassionate intuitive soul, you can take that knowledge and use it to be vicious.

In the middle of what for me is the worst three going on four months I’ve experienced in the last five years, I have to step back and ask myself “What can I do?”  I can’t change the policies happening at my work.  I can’t control how they are implemented.  I can’t force peers, superiors, or team members below me to be the right people to enact this cultural shift within the company.  But if you know me, there is no way in hell, I will sit back and let them wreck me without pushing back.

The Solution 

So first of the all, I’ve rejected the incompetent management and have turned around to challenge every move they make, using their own guide against them.  If I have to follow these rules, everyone will get on page now.  I will not struggle while everyone else tells me that “this is different”, and it’s “just this once”.


How I'm Choosing Me First

It’s time to come back to what I love.  What makes me passionate is writing.  I’m turning inward, back to words, and I’m turning all that frantic energy into creating space for my creative work to stand.

I’m unhappy, but part of me sees this work drama is the best thing that could have happened.  Nothing short of working at a huge corporate place that’s just shitting all over itself would have made me say: “If this is a thing, then I’m rejecting you and going back to my base.”

I’ve done a lot and continue to do a lot since I’ve turned back to reading and writing.  I’m reading more now than I ever have in my adult life, and I love that part of my life (check out my Goodreads reviews and stats here and see my "Best of Kindle Unlimited Series").  I’m writing (though mostly blogs and tweets) about 10,000 words a week.  My blog(s) pre-scheduled posts are insane.

I tried something new with the Writers’ Group where we each share a Halloween based flash fiction this month.  Chris Palmer finished and scheduled his story first.  Can I say, I appreciate how my fellow writers are stepping in and joining me on this new adventure?  I can’t express how grateful

I’ve noticed this conversation game trend on Twitter and I want in on that.  Right now I play with #theMerryWriter and #authorconfession but I’d like to play in some other Hashtag parties/conversations and I would LOVE to host a Hashtag game through NAWG.

I have more ideas and more planning than ever in my creative writing life.  I’m working in a class (the class itself isn’t going great, I’m waiting to give a full review), trying to get beta reading for the second draft of my novel “Follow Me: Tattered Veils”.  While discussing the book with my friend Ashley Sanders, I had a major break through.  Now I know what I need to do to pull the work together that I am beyond excited to dig in and execute.

Ashley and I are also experimenting with running our own writing class.  We’re talking structure and what value we could add to other writers along with all the inspiration they may bring us.  I can’t wait to work with her.  We have a very similar process and goals for our novels, and I’d love to help other people work through what their goals are.

I have an outline for a co-writing novel gig called “Familiar” with a friend in the North Alabama Writers’ Group and I’m thrilled to bits about working more with the wonderful Zach Standfield to create something cool together.

I have never chased so many avenues at once and it’s occurred to me that my job and my lack joy in my professional life brought me to a place where I had to roll the dice on my projects I'm passion about that I would normally keep as quiet background gigs.  My story telling, my ideas, my ability to network.  Stuff I’m “good” at that I figured would never amount to anything.  It feels powerful to see how things I love could bring me an ounce of professional success.  All my life, people have told me my writing would “never amount to anything” and that I “should focus on something that will make me financially stable.”  Here I am, at the worst point in my professional career, with nothing to draw on.  In desperation, I‘ve opened myself up to this blogging, social media, creative writing thing, and it seems like these “useless“ skill set has breathed new life in me.

The path to monetization is opening and new opportunities rise on the horizon.  They are taking time and persistence, but I’m seeing incremental steps towards my long-term goals. It feels like I’m proving all those people who told me my skills and me through association were “nothing special” and “not valuable” wrong.

Have you ever been in a terrible situation at your job or life where you needed to get out?  What did you do?  Are there other angles I’m not exploring?  Did you ever follow your passion regardless of the money or the risk?  What was the outcome?  Do you have advice/regrets/victory stories?  Talk to me.

"Making of A Wannabe Writer Pt 3

image from open clipart.org by Arvin61r58

The Writing Cooperative have a great post "Making of a Wannabe Writer". I recommend anyone undertaking a large writing project read their article and answer the questions they present.

Today, I am sharing my responses to their tips and tricks. It should provide readers better insight into what I'm doing, why I'm doing it, and whether I'm meeting those goals.  

A formatting note: The number points from the article are in bold and some editing may occur in the expansion of the main point so I can emphasize the parts that resonate with me.  I will provide my responses in italic purple for clarity.

Some Essential Daily Hacks

...make it a point you write everyday. It may be rubbish, not readable at all. But it will help you get into the habit of writing first of all. It will make you disciplined.

Doing that.  Next please.

Make sure your writing is effective. Once written, read it to yourself and try to evaluate if it’s lame or really compact piece.

This is a struggle for me.  What is effective?  Are general impressions posts "effective" are those millions of tips posts that seem to copy and paste each other "effective", is sharing my experience and coming to some conclusions "effective"?  I don't know.  

For me, I'm looking to approach problems in innovative ways and I want the blog to connect to other's individual struggles.

In my creative writing, everything is in review all the time.  It's frustrating to think a few months ago I was "done" with a piece I've since unwound and stitched together another way.  At some point there has to be an end to tinkering.

While you are into writing, Minimize all distractions- that includes your phone! It is probably the greatest killer of discipline!

.  

My phone isn't my problem, the internet is.  It's hard to not pop in and see how Twitter is going or to pause one blog post and check in on my other blog, or to freeze mid research and writing an impromptu something or other.  

By the time I'm ready to write, my alarm is going off, letting me know it's time to go to work.  

Another work in progress for me it seems.

Don’t procrastinate or worry about being a great blogger/ writer; just write your heart out.

Check.  I have no illusions that I'm a great blogger.  I'd like to be a consistent one, and one that's accidentally helpful.  

In the best of worlds, I'd like to be a blogger who finds her audience for her creative writing and has the opportunity to help other writers find their audience.

During the initial days, it’s better if you just forget about earning. Focus on followers. Bring out quality articles and keep the followers growing steadily.

No problem there, earning isn't even a twinkle in my eye.  No Adsense turned on.  No call to subscribe.  No books, pamphelets, shirts, bags, or mugs for sale.  I take the audience finding and building phase seriously.  There will be no considerations to monetize until I'm getting at least a couple thousand views (a number chosen for how impossible it seems right now) and even then, I think a good indicator for when to sell something is when the audience asks for it.  Like if someone wanted me to curate and publish certain blog posts.  Or if I managed to create a good catch phrase.  Or if I had an anthology published.  

Know well what you write. Have an in depth knowledge and if possible, some personal experience too.

Agreed.  I'm very careful to only post and publish things I have personal experience with.  It's why the blog has to be about my plans, efforts, and results.  I can only speak about what I know works.  

On my Twitter, it keeps me from recommending random books in my feed or posting all those generic "Get Good Quick" posts.  I'm reading them, thinking on them, and even trying some parts, but I am skeptical of them until I see results and worse, I'm bored with them.

Is Making and Maintaining a Popular Blog Best for You and Your Vision?

(from openclipart.org j4p4n's collection)

So when I first decided to come back on the writing scene I wanted to freelance write for others.  It wasn't just that I loved writing, it was that I hated my job.  I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone by writing again and feeding that part of me that keeps me stable, and making money at it--which would free me from my job.

(from openclipart.org from johnny_automatic's collection)

It was a few days research before I dove whole heartedly to blogging and surfing freelance sites for work.   I figured, look at all these people who do this, I can do it too!

I wrote a lot, and at first I felt better.  Writing anything after so long away was a relief, a purge of poison, and a dopamine injection straight to my neural pathways.

(from openclipart.org from GDJ's collection)

 Watching the numbers stack up also really boosted my confidence.  I thought it would take me months to build up a 1000 page hits, again based off previous interest.  It only took a month to hit 2000 page views.

The glow in victory was short lived.  Before long, I dreaded the blogging.   Instead of looking forward to sharing different thoughts and insights, I looked at it like so much work.  How will I title and structure this post for maximum hits?  Which communities will I post this in for advertising and have I read and commented on enough recent posts to get return traffic?  Have I looked at my core folks' blogs and +1, commented, reposted enough for them recently I feel confident in a return?  Do I have enough spacing between my own self promotion posts and posting other interesting articles?  Are the articles I'm posting of value, saying something new and different or at least saying it in an engaging way?

(from openclipart.org Steren's collection)

It became less and less about the writing and more about the marketing, or to use a buzz word more about the "brand".   At core, successful blogging comes down to creating a "personal brand" and marketing your "brand" to what people want.  People don't want to read frustrated rants about customers doing annoying things--especially when they may be that customer and doubly so if there's no suggestions on how to be less annoying.

(from openclipart.org j4p4n's collection)

• Readers want helpful advice broken into neat lists and bullet points. 

• Ideally, Readers want titles that tell them there are X number of things to look at here.  No matter how well formatted the following work, no one will look if the title doesn't suggest a strong list.

• Readers want tons of fun graphics that are engaging and apply to the posts they're reading. (and in this post, I've done an excessive amount of graphics.  Turns out I have a love hate relationship with supplying graphics for posts)   

• Readers want a cheery positive tone.  Better if it can be funny but minimally a positive can do attitude is needed.

(from openclipart.org johnny_automatic's collection) 

• Readers want to see you doing more than just writing.  They want to see you curating quality levels of knowledge in at "niche".  If they go to your feed, they want to see you liking and sharing related articles--even better if they see interaction between you and a more authoritative writer/blogger from the same "niche" positively interact

So what do Readers give Writers in return for all these extra hours of work--besides an audience?   Truthfully, the Writer gets nothing if he or she isn't selling or promoting a "brand" related service.   Adsense and amazon marketing tactics have shown to provide bloggers less than dollars a day in most instances.  So really, blogging isn't the money maker, it's the new advertising.  The question is--what am I advertising?  Is getting a ton of hits really effective to what I'm marketing?  Could I promote better through forum interaction that would be less demanding than maintaining a popular blog?  Do I get enjoyment or can I produce efficiently when blogging in the specific format it take to generate hits?

For me (and perhaps others)  it became apparent that blogging in the way that's designed to generate larger traffic was too exhausting.  While I felt driven to work on my novel, to browse through my poetry library, to share new thoughts and apply for more freelancing--the sheer time it took to maintain my presence via the blog ate all my time.

It's better for me to be more causal, with less readership, but have time to work on my actual projects: the novel and learning swift and playing with my Aquaponics fish tank.

For those of you who thought this would be a list of all the stuff to make a good blog--don't fret!  It's not in my goal set but I know who to follow to make that happen.  May I suggest:

Bloggers Who Offer Advice on Having a Successful Blog/Freelancing Career Whom I very much enjoyed reading and interacting with:
Kristy Stuart
Elna Cain
Sherman Smith
Sue Ann Dunlevie
Juntae DeLane
Carol Tice
Jeremy Crow
Gina Horkey